Monsters

The purple monster follows me. Has for most of my life. Most of the time he hides in the shadows, banished from the light of my life. But always watching, following, waiting for the moment he can pull me back into the darkness with him.

And once the darkness surrounds you it is somehow possible to find friendship and comfort in that purple monster. To wonder how you lived without him for so long. To cling to him and not want to change anything that might separate you again from this cuddly monster.

But he is a monster that will devour you, while claiming to be your friend. It is impossible to see it while in the darkness with him, but those still in the light can tell. They notice the changes but rarely say anything. Most don't see the monster himself. Even the few who have their own purple monster in the shadows either choose not to see him or choose to stay silent. Until he has devoured so much that he is becoming you and you are becoming him. Often they only speak of it when you have clawed your way into the light again, and then in vague past tenses.

For some reason this time I can see him coming, I can feel the darkness closing in. What is different from all the times before I'm not sure. But even knowing it is happening doesn't make it easier to escape. The lure of old comforts is strong, the monster seems friendly. And it is so much easier to slide back to it than to fight my way out.

I think most people have some kind of monster. Not all the purple kind I'm sure, some have yellow, red or green. Some live in constant company of their monster, never breaking free but not being devoured either. Some have managed to permanently banish their monster, so only a memory remains. Some tease their monster, daring it to return, to carry them away. There are probably some people with no monsters at all, although I don't know how they got that lucky. And some who don't realize that comforting friend they depend on is a monster at all.